#29: Hold the mirror up and become better.
How to become a greater version of you.
A Snickers?
A Red Bull?
A pint of espresso?
A decent night’s sleep?
Rooms full of people?
Time on your own?
Where does your energy come from?
Years of team type and MBTI style assessments would tell me I’m an extrovert. My friends would probably tell me I am too. The last Myers Briggs “test” I did agreed with the previous ENTP profile type.
It stands for Extraverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Perceiving.
According to verymind.com, ‘people with this personality type are often described as innovative, clever, and expressive. ENTPs are also known for being idea-orientated, which is why this personality type has been described as "the innovator," "the visionary," and "the debater.”’
Sounds great to me. I’m not bold enough to call myself clever, but I’ve certainly come up with many a new (or reinterpreted) idea, I’m pretty expressive and will happily engage in a debate. But I don’t know that much so it’s usually a fruitless exercise.
More on ENTP later (when I inevitably link it to having the right inherent skills for career support and CV writing).
The bit I’m tussling with right now is that extroverts are supposed to take their energy from being with others - groups, parties, social gatherings, all that.
But I’ve got to say these days, well, I can’t be arsed. I like seeing people, I enjoy conversation, and love a good gig, singing my throat off (either performing or as a punter) but actually I think I get most of my energy from being on my own.
Some great days and nights have come from the blissful experience of solitude; listening to music, watching a film, taking a walk, writing—just having the company of my own thoughts.
This can be challenging when we go on a family holiday. I desperately want to recharge with my headphones on and nose in a book, or writing, or exploring. I also want to spend time with the kids, throwing them in the pool, playing games, or knocking seven shades of shit out of an air hockey puck.
So it becomes a little awkward.
For me, at least.
Sat in the hotel bar1, I can reflect on my wife’s text back to me earlier today which said “we all recharge our batteries in different ways ❤️”. It’s true.
We’re all different. And therein lies our strength when we’re put together.
It’s differences between us that makes having a third party supporting your career a bit of a no-brainer. They have a different view on the world so will see this differently and give you an alternative perspective you cannot see.
Watching your activity, listening to your conversations, sitting on your shoulder while picking up all the body language in the room. I call this having an expert in your corner. You might call it that too.
Many years ago, I was sat observing a grad assessment centre. In Germany. Now, my language capability extends to asking for beers by number, saying please and thank you, and requesting directions to the toilet in which ever country I’m in.
C’est tout.
So I wouldn’t be the perfect assessor of a bunch of 21 year old German grads fighting it out for a place on our programme, would I?
Yet I picked out the successful and unsuccessful applicants on body language and tone alone—in total agreement with the native assessors. They were as surprised as I was, and rewarded me by speaking only in German during every remaining meal while I was there. Even though some were American. Thanks a fucking lot.
But I see this as one of the gifts of ENTP. Depending on where you look, you’ll find ENTPers are great at asking questions as they are genuinely interested in the answers —and then processing them. Pulling together disparate bits of information (words, actions, tone, body language and facial expressions) and making sense of them.
Spotting connections and coming up with ideas.
Suddenly, asking someone like me to help you understand what you’re great (or not so great) at and help you pull it together and perform at the level you are capable of goes from being “why?” to “why the hell not?”.
It’s about having someone hold the mirror up. When was the last time someone helped you do that? I don’t mean fixing that dodgy wardrobe door.
I just had a brilliant copywriter go over my website. Sure, I can write, but I was too close to it. She asked the questions, came up with more and better ideas, and helped me craft it to do its job. Properly, and much much better than it did before.
Even this week, I found myself saddled with 350 quids’ worth of tiles from having my house re-rooved.
I put the unopened pallet up on Facebook to see if anyone would take them—and then a friend I haven’t heard from in a while suggested seeing if the builders’ merchants will take it back.
Very obvious, and of course they will, for a modest restocking fee the roofer is sucking up. But I hadn’t thought of it.
I have a virtual team of people I can call on to run things by. We help each other. I’ll always get in touch with my marketing friends for support, and they come to me when they need another set of eyes on their CVs or help channeling out some career options.
I have an accountant to help me see opportunities in my finances.
I have coach friends who give me a steer on all sorts of subjects that I get tangled up in.
Having another set of eyes on whatever you’re doing can be so important. A sounding board. That goes for my Dad, who’s in his seventies and lives on his own, needing people to bounce stuff off before committing to something, through to a board member, new to a company, needing someone to help them adjust to the culture and work out how much of their full self to bring to the party.
So, whether it’s me or someone else, have an expert in your corner, holding up that mirror, passing their unbiased eyes over what you’re doing. Have those extra ears, eyes, and Spidey senses to really get what’s going on.
Reflecting back to you what’s really happening, not just being an echo chamber for your own thoughts. If you’re lucky, they’ll sit and observe your every move (and what happened as a result) and feed it all back to you. That’s what I do for my clients.
It’s challenging, having someone sat in the corner and observing you, but you get used to it. Just remember, I’m not there to judge, I’m there to help.
If you want to see if there’s a fit and want to sound out whether I can help you, book a free call.
You’ll be surprised by what you hear. And what you learn about yourself. And how you can become even more amazing.
Right, I’m off to eat a Snickers, drink a coffee, go and mix with people, and then sit on my own for a bit.
Phil
In the socials…
The tit-bits left over from the smorgasbord of the last two weeks’ content…
Here’s one about the value of reframing problems into opportunities. I know, a bit 90s. But this about mindset, not management psycho-bollocks.
Here’s one with 5 sure-fire ways to get your feet under the table quickly and effectively.
And here’s another with the number 1 tip to getting and staying hired in 2023.
And finally…
I put these newsletters out fortnightly to educate, amuse, and make my readers think. Sure, there’s a bit of selling in there, but what would I be doing if I wasn’t doing that?
If you like what you’re reading, you’re getting an insight into what it’s like to work with me. I’m a normal person that helps other normal people become better.
That means becoming more confident, assured, capable, and brave.
It’s a big old world out there, don’t waste your time on this spinning rock wondering “what if”?
I did that for ages when wondering to start this newsletter, deciding whether to start interview coaching, or thinking about acting as an executive mentor.
But when you start, and have the right support behind (or alongside) you, you’ll be amazed at the progress you can make.
Or, just support me with a paid subscription. It helps keeps the wolf from the door, so to speak2.
I wrote most of this over Christmas, sat in a hotel bar, regaining the energy spent throwing my relentless children around in the pool.
Niche Alan Partridge reference. If you got it, happy days. If not, don’t worry.