#85: We all want freedom.
But what does that actually mean?
It was half term a couple of weeks ago.
We’d planned a break down in Croyde, north Devon — a place we’ve holidayed many many times either as a family, with friends, or with my parents and brother too.
This time it was different.
Our eldest headed off to uni in September, so we’re down to three.
Our youngest is knee deep in GCSE trial exam revision (no, not mocks, these are mock mocks if you can figure).
I’ve had my head up my arse with work, changing tack a bit, and badly needed some space (both physically and mentally)
So I suggested I go ahead for a few days in the motorhome and Nic and Harrison follow in the car later.
That’s not what’s transpired though, as plans were made at home, Nic’s also wanted to do her own headspace stuff (and very kindly giving me the space I needed), and H felt he needed to revise more than he needed a holiday.
So I leant into it and had a bit of a working holiday.
I’ve gotta say it was harder than expected.
For one, being in such incredibly familiar surroundings without family and friends felt incredibly lonely. Like I was mourning times long gone.
Which I was.
It felt as close as I’d ever want to feel like going to old haunts as a fresh divorcee.
That stirred the pot, and reminded me of times with my family, and whilst I spent a lot of time with both kids in the pool, on the beach playing games and wotnot, my daughter was always the one going body boarding and mountain biking with me, and skateboarding along the rutted path.
And now, they are starting a whole new phase of their life. I know I’ll never see as much of her again. I know it needs to happen, but it makes it no less painful.
Anyway… For fun, I took myself out exploring on my mountain bike, enjoying the freedom of not having to take into consideration what anyone else wanted to do.
But I found that not having a sparring partner to come up with a plan was difficult. Planning isn’t my strong suit — I’m all for adventure and making it up as I go along — but at some point you do actually need to make a decision, and the weight of that (and the high expectations I have of myself and of the decision being good), can result in crippling procrastination and apathy.
Then there was work.
I had an entire week to work when and how I wanted. Awesome! Have laptop and a tethered wifi connection, will travel. But re-read the previous paragraph through that lens and guess what? Not quite as much meaningful activity. Or, it was done in spurts, interspersed with twenty-minute-long scrolling adventures, or fannying around on LinkedIn, or just not being very productive.
There were days and times when I was more productive — either having scheduled calls, or deciding to churn out a load of content (including two or three of these articles, and I’ve not written long form for quite a while).
Nic said, when she told me they weren’t coming down, “Enjoy the freedom!”
And freedom is great but when you’re free to do anything, and the world is your oyster, just where do you start?
For me, as an explorative sort, there’s too much choice. This is why Nic usually takes the mental load of researching holiday locations. She does actually enjoy it, and it’s my worst nightmare.
When you’re faced with that conundrum, you can do one of a couple of things: 1 - Do the research, weigh up some pros and cons, then decide what you’re gonna do, or 2 -(and this is what I ended up doing) Just get back in the van and head to the next town that I knew had motorhome parking.
And en route, I found a lovely pub with a big car park, who were happy for me to stay overnight as long as I had something to eat there. So I did that instead.
Which I did. Then I went back to the van and watched another film on my iPad (that I’d had the forethought to download while I was at home). So the adventure paid off in that moment. But that also brought with it untold amounts of “shall I/shan’t I?”
At work, when I ask people what they want, they usually say “Clarity”.
But underneath that is freedom. Be that financial freedom, geographical freedom, relationship freedom…
Defining what exactly that freedom brings is hard to do.
“OK, so you want freedom to … do what?”
“Oh, to freedom to do whatever I want!”
“Great! What do you want to do??
“Erm… travel! To travel!”
“To where?”
“Um, I don’t know, I haven’t got that far yet!”
Guiding clients through creating a rich picture of what their life, career, relationships, business could be like if they put their mind to it is what I do.
And the answer to “what’s freedom mean?” isn’t always about freedom to.
Often, it’s freedom from.
Freedom from worry, financial woes, relationship issues, problems at work.
So the freedom to wander, to work, to do broadly what I want when I want (though the weather didn’t always help) can be a gift and a curse. While I was on my own, I still had my brain for company. So actually my freedom to didn’t give me freedom from.
Being at a crossroads in your life, you might think clarity is the answer. Or freedom from or freedom to. Or it’s purpose.
The truth is that once you’ve worked out purpose — a vision of what a great life looks like for you — it’s much easier for the other activities and adventures to drop in, and for you to better understand what freedom means to you.
You have some guiding principles, a North Star even by which to help you make decisions of all sizes.
If you want some help working all that out, that’s what I do, so just get in touch.
Phil
My name’s Phil Sterne and I’m a dad to two teenagers, a husband, and have a little dog too. When I’m not working, I enjoy family days out and walks, and have fun mountain biking with my mountain biking buddies.
When I am working, I help people like you who are at a crossroads in their career or business and are trying to work out the next steps — their vision, strategy, and plan — so they can get on with real purpose.
And if that’s what you need, first download my free eBook, 6 Questions That’ll Change Your Life.
Or find me on LinkedIn or on my website.