#43: How to have the BEST life.
6 powerful reflections to make yours the best it can be.
I don’t write a diary. I have done some semi-regular writing but this one sprung out of my brain via my fingertips on holiday last year. I’m going away for a week next week and I am going to plan in some more quiet(ish) reflection time.
I plan to do more writing.
I’m going to make time for it. Take control of it. Say yes to doing it instead of saying yes to something else. The time is precious.
And time is the theme today.
The TL;DR? Don’t let it get away from you - take control of it.
Tuesday 18th October 2022
Sitting here in the lounge of the cottage we’ve rented for a few days, early (for me) I am struck by the sound of the ticking clock. It is noticeably loud, particularly as I cannot normally stand that sound. If I’m staying away from home and there’s a ticking clock in the bedroom, the batteries are the first thing to be jettisoned. I just can’t sleep with that noise, reminding me that I should be asleep.
Tick…tock…tick…tock…tick…..
Yet this morning I’m moved to write 6 powerful reflections to help you make the most of your life.
Enjoy - and take action. You’ve still got time!
Not the actual clock, cottage, or view I had whilst writing this piece. And it was about 6:50am.
1
As we get older (I turned 47 last month and now consider myself in this “older” bracket) we compare our lives and our growth, to those of others, and if you have kids, to those of our children’s lives too. Like “when I was your age” or just wondering about the opportunities that lay ahead of them that they may or may not take. Stick with me here.
My kids are 15 and 12 now and the old “it only seems like five minutes since they were 10 and 7” comes across my mind very frequently. As I see them grow physically (they’re both now taller than their mum), mentally, in capability, and generally as people, I am reminded that this life marches on with millions of sliding doors moments, unstopping, until, well, it stops.
They just get bigger, more competent, and all of that sort of just happens, doesn’t it?
Reflection:
What would you tell your teenage self to do to make most of their time on this planet? Not in a regretful way.
What would your teenage self tell YOU to do NOW?
2
It feels like all my experience, and all the connections I’ve made over the last 25 years of my working life, have converged at this point. The recruitment campaigns planned and executed, the names I gathered for them, the websites and systems I launched, the processes improved, the interviews I arranged (and the people I interviewed), the CVs I piled into ‘yes’ ‘no’ and ‘maybe’…., the thousands of conversations…. It’s brought me here. And brought me to you. Or vice versa.
After day-to-day recruitment ended, there were many jobs I’ve been excited about, projects that excited me - but they were all ultimately difficult. They presented very literal headaches - in people, process, tools, budget, timeframes. I’ve struggled to stay motivated, I’ve dug deep, worked long hours, destroyed my self worth (or had it destroyed for me), eroded my self belief… all repeated so many times, and yet …
I am still here.
Reflection:
It is these things, the hard stuff (and coming out the other side a different person), that gave me the belief that it’ll be fine.
Better than fine, or OK. Actually, bloody brilliant. And you are bloody brilliant, too, for the same reasons.
3
So many of the clients I have now have come from my past. People I worked with 5, 10, 15, 20+ years ago… come to me for help. Somehow (and really how?!) I gained their trust long ago, and continued to foster it from afar, perhaps through my posts on LinkedIn (or who knows, Facebook and instagram). Inadvertently staying in their peripheral vision, doing my thing. I didn’t know when the last time would be that I’d speak to them. Now I realise that with a touch of effort they can stay in your life, and you in theirs, until one of you needs the other.
Reflection:
Reconnect with your network.
You never know when you might need each other in the future.
4
I’ve gone through my career not being able to answer the “where do you want to be in five years?” question. Well, I could have answered with “doing interesting work with inspiring people, where I can learn and get paid well”.
Which is fine, and though I consider my luck to have been self-made (save some privilege - which isn’t lost on me), I’ve made my own contacts and applied for my own jobs…. I still can’t help feeling like I’ve been a bit of a passenger.
The jobs I applied for were presented. On websites or phone calls or emails. Then I’ve either gone for them, or not. I’ve got them, or I haven’t. But I didn’t go out knocking on doors for them. I took what was available rather than creating the opportunity for myself.
As I sit here, the clock still ticking, about 20 minutes has gone by since I was moved to pick up my iPad and start typing. I knew right then that if I didn’t, these moments, these thoughts, would be lost. Possibly forever.
Reflection:
It’s OK to take advantage of opportunities as they arise. Absolutely be opportunistic. But what could happen if you went out looking to CREATE opportunities both for you and others - rather than tripping over them?
Use your network. Have actual conversations. What might come up?
Another thing on opportunism - you have to have an open mind to see them, and the gut instinct to take them, and finally the balls to action them. And, be happy with those you missed. It’s a learning point - you know what you’ll be looking for next time.
5
Contemplating the passage of time as something that happens to us is normal, I think, however we need to take back control. Like Brexit, but not a fucking waste of time, energy, and economic prosperity. Quite the opposite, in fact.
And at this point in my life, with so much more experience, knowledge, expertise and personal desire than ever, I am finally beginning to find some clarity on what the back-end of my life’s summer needs to look like.
It consists of several semi-defined pillars - helping people, growing a business, self sufficiency, setting us up (however shockingly it seems to me) for retirement, whatever that is, and crucially having fun doing it. Being the master of my destiny, not having destiny as my master.
I know I’ll look back at these words in years to come and think “I remember tapping away that morning, as the sun came up over our cottage in Yorkshire. Mable woke me up at 6:40 wanting a wee (Mable is our dog, not an ancient Aunt), and despite not having gone to bed until gone 1, I was wide awake. So I sat, and was drawn to the tick of the clock.”
And now more than ever I’m determined to not let these seconds tick tock away. I’m determined to make them count. Take the action where I need to. Invest in myself and my business. Contact those people in my network. Reconnect with them. Give them an experience of working with me again, but Phil v2.0. Let me help them move themselves forward towards their goals with the tick of the clock sounding loudly in their ears. Spend the time with my ever-growing kids. Book those weekends away with my wife. Do that shitting decorating.
It’s hard, and it’s OK if I can’t do all of those things all the time. But raising our consciousness of the tick tock of ever passing second and it’s inevitable chipping away until, um, we die, is sharpening my focus.
Reflection:
If you project your mind to the moments before your death (sorry, but it will happen), what do you want to have achieved or experienced?
What needs to be in place for that to happen?
What actions do you need to take?
We can’t go back in time. All we can do is get more of a grip of what our future could look like, rather than just letting it happen to us.
6
Make it easier for yourself. Say to yourself, right now - “If I bumped into Phil in 3 years in a coffee queue, and said fuck Phil, you won’t believe just how good life is - let me tell you about it!”… what would be telling me while we waited for our names to be called?
Paint it richly. What are you doing? How are you earning money? What are your relationships like? How are you having more fun than ever?
Then consider this. Put yourself in the shoes of your July 2026 self.
Who am I in 3 years time?
What am I doing differently?
How has my mindset changed?
You’ve just told yourself about your future amazing self. You’re setting the narrative, the direction. Now, what of that can you do right now? What small changes could yo make straight away to be more future you?
And what’s stopping you?
Reflection:
Let me tell you, in most cases, it’s YOU. Mindset. So give yourself a prod to get out of your own way and make even the smallest of changes. Don’t accept excuses.
And me? I think I’m going to get a load of ticking clocks for my house to keep me on track.
Except in the bedroom. I need my sleep.
Phil
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