#25: 6 ways to take the big step...
...and commit!
“I was cold, in the middle of a railroad tra-ack.
I looked ’round, and I knew there was no turning back.”
Nervous energy pulsing through my my mind and body, making its way to a tap tapping sound on my steering wheel.
Talking to myself, out loud, saying it was all gonna be cool.
Some internal dialogue about all the practice I’d done and investment I’d made in my own capability.
It’s gonna be great. It’s gonna be great. What if I forget what I’m doing or lose track??
That moment where you committed. Not to someone else to do something—but to yourself. I was right in that moment.
Shit or bust, as they say.
It’s the most powerful type of commitment out there, I reckon.
Full on balls-out, all in, no safety net, COMMITMENT.
I’m writing this on Friday, which happens to be BBC6music’s annual ‘Wear Your Old Band T-shirt To Work Day’ or more catchily #tshirtday.
It encourages music fans to dig out the t-shirts from yesteryear, in the hope they’ve been cherished and not (as many of my proper old old examples were) consigned to use as decorating t-shirts.
It drew me to that AC/DC lyric and made me think of this recent personal growth anecdote.
So recent, that it’s only a week old.
I did a gig. A solo gig. My first proper (paid) gig.
Not an open mic, the real deal.
Me, an acoustic guitar, a microphone, and my voice.
24 songs, from Where Is My Mind? by Pixies and Just Like Heaven by The Cure, to big old drunken sing alongs Mr Brightside, Dakota and Don’t You Forget About Me.
Some big songs to knock out. No pressure.
But I did it. And it went well. People sang along. I gave out my number. The pub manager said it was great and they want me back.
I’ve wanted to do this for years. Sing and play. Get cheered. Have people singing along.
Talk about a rush. Incredible.
Question is, how did I summon up the balls (I was told more than once by different people that they admired mine) and capability to do it?
Especially as I’d been told more than once in relatively recent years that I couldn’t sing. Like once on a lads’ camping trip, in front of everyone. Or that my guitar sounded like someone doing something terrible to a cat.
How do you get over that shit?
Do you just accept what you hear, or develop a sense of ‘Fuck You’ and do it anyway?
Well it doesn’t happen over night, let’s put it that way.
Things that helped - My 10 Steps.
1 - I tried not to listen, and carried on anyway. Because fuck you and your opinion.
2 - I continued to practice and learn new songs.
3 - I joined a band and played the cajon, exposing me to playing live, but relatively safely. Centre, but not Front.
4 - I took singing lessons. I found out that I have a bass voice (quite unusual) and it was all there for the taking.
5 - I brought a couple of songs to the band I wanted to sing. I’d practiced them. I knew they were good. But playing them for the first time was difficult!
6 - The songs eventually made it to the main set. We did many gigs. In some, I managed to play and sing without mistakes. But, in true political style, mistakes were made.
7 - I carried on practicing, finding more and more songs I wanted to bring to the band, but there’s only so much set space, right? And my job in that band is mainly as drummer, which I love.
8 - I did a short live solo set at a party in our garden (supported by a mate on the cajon), and played informally at family dos and stuff.
9 - More practice. Did some open mics. Nerve wracking!
A still from one of my singing lessons 👆👆… video here. It’s not perfect, but that’s why I’m sharing it.
10 - The pub asked if our band was free for a short notice gig. We weren’t. But I was. It was in 2 weeks, one of which was half term holiday. We were away. That left only a week for real practice and set selection.
I didn’t have the sphericals to outwardly say “I’ll do it”, I just said I was the only one around. He asked if I did solo gigs. I said yes. I got the gig. A perfectly sized, little gig.
And when a similar situation arose this week, I said I could do it. I now knew it would be ok. And I got the gig.
It’s tonight, at 7:30.
Why am I telling you all this?
It’s pretty personal stuff, this. But you can learn from it.
Lesson 1 - Ignore the haters.
It can be hard to maintain self belief if people are telling you you’re shit. But if you enjoy it, don’t take someone who is not remotely qualified’s “advice”.
Find a professional, and get them to tell you if you’ve got potential or not. Then learn.
Lesson 2 - Don’t expect great things overnight.
It’s probably been 4 years since that camping trip. I’ve been in the band 3 years. I’ve been taking singing lessons for 6 months. I did a load of gigs on the drum before taking centre stage. I did small, safe, playing and singing. I did those open mics. I practiced. Take the opportunity to get it wrong in safety.
Lesson 3 - Build your belief and confidence.
The stuff in Lesson 2 does this. You have to do it over a period of time. Try to go all in without and of that and you may fail - very quickly. That’s OK if you’re hugely resilient, but if you’re not (I wasn’t) it might kibosh the whole thing.
Lesson 4 - Be open minded. Spot the opportunities and take them.
It’s the old ‘opportunity meets action’ thing. I could’ve just said sorry we’re not available, but I didn’t. You have to spot when the world is showing you a door that’s slightly ajar, and kick it the fuck in.
Lesson 5 - Be open to getting it wrong.
I cocked up the intro to one song. I said “I wasn’t sure how this song was gonna go!” And started again. I didn’t panic. I was in control. No one cared. We’re all human.
Lesson 6 - Enjoy it and celebrate.
I’m terrible at celebrating my successes, but last weekend we had a really nice meal and a bottle of bubbles as I felt like celebrating breaking through barriers in my own belief … and making something happen.
I can still hear the people singing along and chanting “ONE MORE SONG! ONE MORE SONG!”
Whilst I felt like I was on fire early in the gig, those aren’t flames though.
How do I apply all this, Phil?
Well that’s up to you. Like song lyrics, you interpret them and have them help you as fits. I’m not going to dictate that. It might be going for that job, or that interview. Or bugger all about work.
But if I can leave you with 2 key pieces of advice, it’s to TAKE ACTION and LEARN.
As sure as eggs are eggs, nothing will happen if you don’t.
Take a risk. Follow the steps. Yours will be different, probably.
I’m off to sort out my set and warm up my voice and fingers before tonight, with a bit of practice.
What can you do now to enable you to take the next big step?
Phil
Rock n’ fuckin’ Roll.
In the socials…
Here’s one about life-long regret.
Here’s one about common CV writing challenges.
And here’s a link to a LIVE AUDIO session I’m running on Tuesday 8th November on dealing with redundancy. Come along with your questions…
Finally here’s one of me knocking out a classic 80’s synth track on an acoustic guitar. Loved it, and another from one of my singing lessons.
And finally…(really)
I know I normally send this out on a Wednesday, but I wrote it today and thought “why not?”
Have a great weekend.
See www.philsterne.com for more about my CV Writing and Interview Coaching services.